A Weekend in Review

      Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is- according to the U.S. Department of Labor- a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. Hm. That is interesting. Did you spend this weekend contemplating the strength, prosperity and well-being of our country as it relates to your work? I didn't.
       Most of us approach Labor Day as another opportunity to force ourselves into hosting some form of gathering- at least that is my opinion. I, personally, would rather pull weeds in my garden, muck the coop, and sit on my porch swing reading my newest Joel Salatin book- none of which I managed to do this weekend. Even if those goals had been met- I still wouldn't have been pondering the effect of my little job on the nation's well-being.
        Instead, I rocked a sweet grandbaby while getting some seeds in start cells, read same baby stories while trying not to ponder the junk in the yard that needed cleaned up, and played 'giddy-up' with that very same baby while running tomorrow's work day though my mind. While some were mowing, sweeping and shopping, I dabbled in drool and infectious giggles. Who manages to consider the efforts of their work when two tiny teeth peek out of a smile every other minute? Sorry, not me.
        Lest I be a stooge, there was a last minute grill gathering at my homestead; a few family members who wanted to share in the giggles and spiddles I had been enraptured with. It was simple yet fun with no talk what so ever of our jobs or social impact. No.. we laughed and babbled.. ate and played pass the baby.. we fussed about what to do with the left overs and went our own way never once considering the purpose of the labor movement.
         So tonight, covered with bubbles from her bath and drool from our story time I take a moment to ponder the meager employee which is me and how small a dimple I must make in the great national work force. My job is rather insignificant to most large minded economic social number crunchers, and yet.. it impacts the community around me.. it opens doors to connections otherwise lost.. it has grown from a tiny temporary project to a large and blossoming opportunity. My job may be small, my global impact insignificant.. but to a tiny child.. my job is priceless. That is what I celebrate tonight.. on Labor Day.. as I savor a bowl of Blue Bell with my amazing 'Mr. Go'.

My Perspective on Teenage Boys

    Teenage boys. It seems the mere thought of our baby's teen years can crumple even the most resolute parent. When my own children were little ones, the thought of those teen years scared me half to death. I have survived, even adapted, once my girls made it there. Now we have a boy smack dab in the middle of his teens- let me just say, it's completely different.

       My heart, as a mother, has been to raise up a young man with a heart for God and a strong sense of accountability. This is not easy, yet, nothing worth doing is. In order for such character qualities to develop, there must be examples before myself and him- this can be difficult to find. We realized early on those models were not to be found in the media, the video games, or popular culture. If we want to raise a young man who is strong, faithful, and determined to respect others we have to buck the system and search long and hard.

        The first place to start is prayer. Many a night on my knees seeking God's discernment and guidance. From there, I had to open my eyes to the role models already in our life. We are blessed with a honorable and faithful husband/father who holds to hard work and respect, grandfathers and great-grandfathers who are close enough to us to be leaders in a young man's life. Here lie primary jewels often neglected in the quest for raising up young men. Our farm boy has spent a great deal of time elbow to elbow with these men in his life gleaning skills, character, and Godly guidance from them,

          Let's expand. Home and family influence can be complemented or contradicted by external influence. Church leaders, sports coaches, and 4H leaders have come in and out of our teenage boy's life offering examples of Godly manhood and respectable behavior. Unfortunately, as a parent, we have to be present and paying attention recognizing when and if and influence lines up with the character we are teaching. It takes a strong parent to recognize and remove the issue if it is detrimental. By God's grace, we have been blessed with Godly men in so many of these areas; backing up the teaching of quality characteristics and masculine respect.

            As for friendships with peers, it seems as healthy influences are present in his life, our farm boy has been able to discern relationships very well on his own. Occasionally we have had conversations about different peers in our social realm only to realize he had already discerned the issue and been working it out on his own.

          All that said, the reality is..the farm boy is with me more often than not, leaving a relationship in itself that must be fostered. I am his biggest fan, his toughest critic, his sounding board, and a huge influence. How we relate will determine how he relates to other women, including his future young woman. My role is not only discipline and nurture, it is to show him how to treat women and how to relate with them without pushing an effeminate or demasculating character over his will.
          I have found it a fine balancing act to respect his role as a young man, yet, reveal and remind him I am a woman, I am his mother, and I am an adult. Daily we are found side by side hauling feed, working gardens, building, repairing, and handling the in and out of homestead life. We train together in martial arts, shooting, fishing, and even 'survival hikes'. A young man must be respected as a young man, yet, reminded that women are not only a complement, but have their strengths as well. When attitude hits our house- and it does- we 'work it out on the mats' or in the fields, getting that tension off our shoulders and reminding each other there is a need for mutual respect.

    Do we have it all figured out? No way. Are we working through it? Absolutely, and learning every step of the way. I did not write this to glorify myself or make my son seem unrealistically ideal. These are difficult, formative years..those of us in the trenches need to stand together and support each other as we rise to the challenge. My heart goes out to parents recognizing the dangerous and devastating reality of our culture and our children's generation. Stay strong and press on. It is so very worth it in the end. 

Remember that prayer and discernment is the key, Seek His help, and you will find a way. My husband and I are here, in the trenches with you. If there is anything we can pray with you about, or if you have an issue you would like to talk over with another parent in the trenches, please email us at simplyscaife@yahoo.com. God bless!

Season's Serving: Angel Tree

Image from Angel Tree program

 

    

   Ministering in the prison system opened our eyes to things we otherwise may not have seen. While convicted criminals pay their debt to the society they have wronged, their families pay a heavy price..their children in particular. Suffering unnoticed are innocent victims of the choices made without them. 

   The Angel Tree program connects incarcerated families with their children through Christmas gifts given by donation. Children's wishes are placed on ornaments that decorate the Angel Tree often  set up at various churches or businesses; ours is at the YMCA. 

   Each year that one of our family members has worked for the YMCA we have chosen an ornament and filled the needs of a child or set of children...offering not only a gift, but the ministry of hope to their family.  For more information about the Angel Tree program, please visit their web sight here. 

Season's Serving: Filling the Need

   Holidays are times of gathering and feasting; of fireplaces and fuzzy blankets...but not for everyone. In our own backyard people are hungry, homeless, and cold..facing the season without their basic needs being met. As we prepare to share our blessings with one another, we also focus our feet on sharing our blessings with others.
   Food pantries are everywhere; our county, our churches, and often in local charity kitchens. Our family has gathered extra supplies for many avenues of pantry ministries. From our own local church, to the home reaching out to inmates' families food donations are always in need..in season or out. Grocery chains offer the convenience of purchasing a prepackaged bag of groceries for our county food bank...and crisis centers send mailers in our mailbox daily.
   In our shopping cart this month, those extra sale blessings..the two for fives or buy one get one's.. will be set aside and shared with those who need a little extra assistance. We never know when we ourselves may be on the receiving end of one of these special blessings.

Season's Serving: Give a Gift

 

In the day in and day out of things there often comes unique opportunities to share the love of Christ in ways that maybe only we can appreciate. My children have grown up in an agriculture rich, 4H environment that gave them a clear understanding of our relationship to our food. A desire to share that understanding and that gift came to light in the form of a goat. 

A year of county fair goat projects brought us to the World Vision  program. Here was an opportunity to send families in need the gift of sustainable living; a goat, some poultry or even the gift of water any where in the world. 

As our 4H project changed focus over the years, so did our choice of gift; one year a goat, one year some poultry, and so on. It has been a blessing to see my children's enthusiasm at the arrival of their gift catalog. Gathering around the table, we plot and plan the amount to spend and the gifts we can make; joy abounds no matter their age. 

Amazingly enough, this led us to year round sponsorship of children needing basic necessities, including education. We have been blessed to sponsor a child that out grew the program..and to take on a new one, just starting out. 

In a nation that has so much, I am proud and humbled to open the eyes and hearts of our family to the desperate needs of others.

Season's Serving: Assisting the Assisted

   When my children were grade school age, a conversation crossed our table...what would be under Christ's Christmas tree? Such a question sparked new conversation year after year. The easy answer is He wants our heart. Yet, the question rises how do we give it to Him? As a family committed to putting our faith to our feet we have worked in some wonderful opportunities over the years for giving Him our hearts for Christmas.
   My husband is a pastor..and has been a pastor to the assisted living residents off and on for many years. One particular season, he was serving in a 'ward of the state' facility. This facility was heartbreaking and in great need. Spending Sunday after Sunday with the staff and residents, our hearts ran deep with compassion for the situation they faced. That year, we put our faith and love in action by hosting a drive for 'necessities'.     
   I never realized many facilities depend on donations or family members to provide incontinence care needs (Depends) for their residents. In a state run facility, supplies often run short leaving a desperate need. Every shopping trip we made, a box or two of 'necessities' were purchased. On an off day (a day during the week when we were not expected to be there) we made a discrete trip by to deliver our offering.
   Now, we also hand delivered cards and little gifts to the residents and hosted a Christmas singing for them..but the secret joy in our hearts was knowing a private need was being met..and that our young children shared in an offering of compassion. Year after year, even though we are no longer hosting services in this facility, our hearts are always blessed by the secret service of assisting the assisted.

Scaife Family Values: Being a Complement

   Conversations with my older teens led to a discussion about relationships: how do we complement our mates (or for them, their future mates)? Several moments of silence led them to pose the question to me: how do you complement our dad? Oh, when they do that! My answer:

Willingness:

to do what is needed, 

to help where I can,

to learn and grow

to love even when I don't want to, 

to serve wherever and when ever,

to see past faults,

to forgive;

to compromise- even when it is hard,

 to make the choice to yield to another,

to set aside me for him, 

to let go and let God.

   No, my marriage has not been easy- nor will it ever be. My character is not perfect- nor is my husband's. Willingness is a choice; a challenge; a surrender of self and a yielding of will. My answer may seem so simple, but it is my prayer that our teens grow to be husbands and wives with willing hearts...willing spirits...and long lasting relationships devoted to God and His plan for their future.

   How do you complement your mate?

  

Scaife Family Values: The Little Things

   Life is in the little things; things we value dearly. In the discovery of an abandoned nest or the intricacy of a tree's leaves we find the amazing beautify of life; the creative detailed hand of our Lord. Examine the fine details of a flower's petals or an insect's wing--who can help but be amazed?
   The little things are conversations over coffee and creative handwork done together in the quiet; dinner around the table as a lantern softly lights our faces. The infections laughter of one of my girls or the impish prank of a teen boy; a tender hug shared for no apparent reason..or a little note left just for you.
   Sometimes the little things are difficult things; a cold that needs the comfort of warm soup or a broken relationship that needs a listening ear. Little moments over a tough assignment bring us to the realization we need each others' strengths to uplift us in our times of weakness. Sometimes those little things are the things we need most..to reenforce our values; our convictions.
   Little things are a smile shared with a stranger; a friendly wave to our neighbors; a 'thank you' to the checker at the store. We never know when a simple act of kindness can change a person's day...just acknowledging their existence can be a big blessing. Little voices of encouragement here and there sprinkle our day with 'little things'.
   We value the little things...those day to day tiny tidbits that make up life; they reveal our hearts and point us to the amazing hand of our Lord.

Scaife Family Values: Silence

si·lence/ˈsīləns/

Noun:	Complete absence of sound.
Verb:	Cause to become silent; prohibit or prevent from speaking.
Synonyms:	noun.  hush - quiet - still - quietness - calm - stillness verb.  hush - shush - shut up

   Have you ever sat in the silence? When the power is out; when no 'white noise' can be found in the background? True silence. It is rare to truly find silence in this world of technology and travel; but it is a treasure we value when we can find it. 

   In my home silence is found at the table; students deep in study..my husband resting from his overnight shift...my hands busy with needle and thread. No television, no phone, no idle chatter...silence. It is found in the barn; contented animals softly munching as they bask in the noonday sun..the gentle brush of the rake as stalls are mucked...the hammer of the woodpecker in the tall pine overhead. It is found in the garden...

   Quiet sprouts shoot forth from soil as a hawk calls in the distance. Water gently falls over tender green leaves to nourish the roots beneath. Hens lightly scratch just beyond the fence; their occasional cluck makes me smile. This silence lends to listening; to hearing the life and growth all around; to hear God's hand at work in the little things that surround me. 

   Without silence there cannot be rest- true rest. Even an afternoon of pulling weeds can be restful if our minds are allowed silence...the gentle quiet of life. Our bodies need silence to restore and refresh; a break from the demands of noise. Our relationships need silence; that ability to be together without the strain of conversation or entertainment. Our souls need silence...time to be with our Lord...to sense Him in the quiet stillness. 

   Our family values silence....the gentleness of being; the peacefulness of existing; the rest brought forth...by ...silence.

Scaife Family Values: The Past

past

   [past, pahst] Show IPA

adjective

1.

gone by or elapsed in time: It was a bad time, but it's all past now.

2.

of, having existed in, or having occurred during a time previous to the present; bygone: the past glories of the Incas.

3.

gone by just before the present time; just passed: during the past year.

4.

ago: six days past.

5.

having formerly been or served as; previous; earlier: three past presidents of the club.

   The past- something we learn from, something we may not want to repeat. In the course of our lives we all develop a past; as individuals, as a family, as a society. So why do we value it? Without it we would not be who we are. Foundations of our lives were formed in our past; a heritage. While dwelling in the past is not the ideal, building upon it and learning from it are key. The lives we live now will be 'the past' for another.
   In loving and leading our children, we desire for them to learn from the past. National and world history, Biblical and personal histories; all vital learning tools. Taking the elements available, our children will learn who they are..where they come from, and how our lives came to be what they are. Such knowledge builds a foundation for their lives which they can develop and grow for their future families.
   To know your histories is one part, but skills from the past are another. We have taken many summer sessions to learn skills from our pioneer heritage; candle and soap making, gardening, agriculture and livestock practices...there is so much to learn! Modern technology has its place, but to learn the 'harder' or 'slower' way can benefit us down the road. For example, we know how to wash laundry with a scrub board and wringer... during a severe hurricane (no power for three weeks) we managed laundry quite well. Being able to cook on open fire blessed us with meals during those days.
   Our past is a piece of our futures. We treasure the 'where we've been' and look forward to were we will be by valuing and learning from those who came before us; from the pieces of our past.

Scaife Family Values: Self-Sufficiency

self-suf·fi·cient (slfs-fshnt)adj.

1. Able to provide for oneself without the help of others; independent.

 

   To provide and not depend..sounds so ideal doesn't it? While complete self-sufficiency is not where we are as a family, every little bit helps. In the nearly twenty years of our marriage, we have made strides to be less dependent on others...better able to meet our needs without running here and there for this and that. 

   Early on, gardening was a key to our stepping away from dependence; natural foods grown by our own hands by our own methods. Every year new plots and new crops are added..currently we are growing four difference garden plots on our homestead..providing a large amount of our produce. Berry bushes and a couple of fruit trees were added last year- if they survive the drought, we hope to see them produce.

   My flock of hens were the second step...providing tasty fresh eggs and occasional meat. Since that first flock we have progressed to a seasonal meat flock and a batch of turkeys (grown once a year). The freezer full of meat has been a great blessing as well as a precious learning experience for our whole family. From housing, to feeding, to human and appropriate butchering...yearly advances and improvements are added here and there to ensure a better success in the next season. 

   The most recent additions were a dairy and meat herd. Our silly goats have been a great blessing to our self-sufficient life. Again, learning the ropes for natural production and health have been a challenge and a joy. Seasonal births of precious little ones, bottle feeding, home dairying have led to cheese making. The blessing of meat in the freezer..again..one more step. 

   While these things are all steps toward independence, other goals are always on the board: maintaining a debt free financial situation, continuing our educations (in classes or independently), as well as personal health care. In a self-sufficient life, education is important ..and on going. Libraries, online and in local colleges a wealth of information is available; why not use it? Let's not for get county extension offices and master gardener programs. They're there to help...learn from them!

   In all our endeavors one thing must never be overlooked; our dependence on God. From His hands all things are given; our life, our health, our land and it's produce. In our strive for independence, we never want to lose our dependence on our heavenly Father. Through prayer and seeking our journey continues...the journey of self-sufficiency.

Scaife Family Values: Down Time

down·time/ˈdounˌtīm/

Noun:

Time during which a machine, esp. a computer, is out of action or unavailable for use. A time of reduced activity or inactivity: "everyone needs downtime to unwind".

    We need it, yet we struggle with it; down time. Schedules and demands tug and pull us day in and day out until every fiber of our being is spent. From the time our little ones started arriving to our current house hold of youth..down time has been a challenge..and it isn't getting easier. Down time, in my life, takes two forms: family and personal. 
    Older teens have their own demands in their lives, parents each have their demands..all add strain to the family dynamic. When tensions run high, patience runs low, and the over all hectic feeling seems to rule the home front..it's time for some family down time. Game night with fun food and rowdy laughter can be a great break from a crazy season; movie night provides a restful down time..piling on the couch with some nachos and 'movie candies'. Sometimes it's gathering around the kitchen, all hands prepping a big comfort meal, then gathering around the table..dim lights and gentle conversation. It doesn't have to be expensive..just together. Group is great, but sometimes it's personal.
   Time alone; a reconnection to the notion I am a person...necessary! Life is crazy, people are crazy and sometimes it's catching. When crazy starts to take hold, I head for the coffee and a place to breath. Quiet walks, time in the greenhouse, a few hours alone for sewing...or just a flop out on my bed in the middle of the chaos...healing! Still no need for spending, just a little regroup..does the mommy good.

   Now, with all this talk of down time...I think I need some!

Scaife Family Values: Good Sportsmanship

Definition of SPORTSMANSHIP

: conduct (as fairness, respect for one's opponent, and graciousness in winning or losing) becoming to one participating in a sport

   We are a competitive bunch. Be it a game of cards, some stall mucking or a roll on the mats we get a good and rowdy family war going, but it's all in fun. Talking it up or taking it down, the practice of good sportsmanship is a show of good conduct and Godly respect.
    Can we compete, determine a winner or loser, go to battle without disrespecting our competitors? We can; and we do. Going into a competitive situation, both knowing the purpose of the situation as well as your own frame of mind sets the stage for good sportsmanship practices.
   First: What is the purpose of the competition? To train? To learn? Is it play? Or sport? Knowing the purpose of the competition sets an appropriate frame of mind. None of these situations call for violence or malice between the competitors, nor does it call for abusive language or actions. The purpose here is positive interaction with a competitive spirit leading to a fair outcome. Even a sport against a rival opponent does not carry the purpose of a negative spirit of competition..or, it shouldn't.
   Second: What is your frame of mind? Are you entering in with a right attitude? With respect for the competitor? With respect for others attending or viewing the competition? Often our frame of mind determines the course of our actions; definitely true in a competitive setting. Training in a sports environment our frame of mind keeps us and our partners safe. It helps us set up an attitude of teaching one another and being cautious of those weaker or less skilled. With games and other sports, our frame of mind can give us a winning edge without taking us to the extreme mode of belligerence.
   Our purpose and mindset in a competitive situation is clearly seen when the event has come to the final outcome; win or lose, our attitude tells our heart. Can we respect our own actions as well played? Do we recognize the skill of our competitor? Give credit where credit is due; a begrudging handshake is not much better than no handshake, and 'in your face' bragging does not reveal a good attitude.
   Since no one of us is perfect, sometimes a 'self-check' is needed. Personal accountability first, but often we don't recognize it in ourselves right off..so, as a family we try to keep each other in check. A sideline reminder to remember our purpose, reboot our mindset, and 'walk it off' is given before we re-enter the situation. If we just can't correct our frame of mind..it's time to step out respectfully and try again another day. Admit, apologize, and walk away when it just isn't there. 
   This family is competitive; we love a good rumble, but our purpose and our mindset must be right or the fun is lost. Whether in the game or on the sidelines, this family values the practice of good sportsmanship.

Scaife Family Values: Life

   In the world of convenience and consumerism, life becomes disposable. Our heart lead us to work diligently training our children (and ourselves) to hold precious ..life. It isn't easy, yet, our Lord calls us to it. 

The LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being (Genesis 2:7).
You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit (Job 10:12).
Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture (Psalm 100:3).

   Day to day life lends itself to the teaching to value life. Meeting special needs, elderly, less fortunate, the lost or just the neighbor who doesn't share your values provide opportunity to teach. An inmate's life is no less valuable than I in God's eyes. Unborn children are a treasure as is the person with physical disabilities. If I meet someone with a different life style than mine, that does not mean their life is less valuable than mine. It's a hard lesson to teach and to live.
   As parents, our reactions to the people who come into our lives teaches more than our words ever could. The example we display will stand in our children's (and others around us) hearts. Did I treat them with respect? Show kindness? Lend a hand if there was a need? The simple offer of kindness (a smile, saying hello, being polite at the checkout counter) speaks volumes to the heart of our children.
   When my children were very small, we spent a lot of time in hospitals and specialists' offices. Our time with families and children with various needs gave us great opportunity to teach (and learn ourselves) a valuable lesson in life. In later years, my husband had a prison ministry which lead our family to wonderful discussions regarding inmates, crime, victims and compassion in the midst of consequences. 
   With teens growing up and stretching their own convictions, we have participated in elderly care ministries, mission trips, outreach and service. Our family sponsors a child through Compassion International and keeps up to date with several missionaries on a one on one basis. Teens and adults alike benefit from the realities of life in other countries and the evident struggle there to see value in lives. A few years back we used our summer to study culture and religion in other nations- that was a true lesson in the value (and lack of it) for life. 
   As a parent, I can talk until I turn blue about valuing life..but my kids won't hear it without seeing it lived in me. I, on my own, cannot truly value life without God's help. My own value for life starts on my knees in prayer..seeking the guidance of Christ as my daily life leads me to various encounters and different situations. I am not perfect (none of us are)...yet.
   When those times come where my example has been wrong..when I have judged or been harsh...maybe impatient or just indifferent...there is another lesson to be taught; humility. Sharing the reality and honesty of my error and seeking to make it right is the example I try to show...and teach ...after all, I am human. 
   Life is precious...it deserves respect and proper priority. I value the life of my herd and flock; of the plants in my garden, but not over the life of my children, extended family, or neighbors. In our home, life it to be valued for the purpose God intended; butchering is done respectfully with appreciation for God's provision. Good stewardship is expected over the produce our crops yield...but, our family is more important than all this....they are more highly valued; they are precious. 
   Today, I'll make mistakes....okay, I'll make many mistakes..but I will value my family and seek to continue to teach them to value life.

Scaife Family Values: Work

work/wərk/

Verb: Be engaged in physical or mental activity in order to achieve a purpose or result, esp. in one's job; do work.

Noun: Activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

   We are made for it; work. Even before sin entered the world man was given work. All of us work at something; a job, keeping home, growing things, making things...our education. Work needs action to be executed correctly; it needs initiative and dedication. No one learned to spell words or form sentences without initiative and dedication; it took work.
   As parents, a desire of our heart was to train up our family with a sense of work; a good work ethic. My babies were nearby me as I went about my work; dishes and laundry were a common sight to them. Growing lent them desire to 'help' and they did; passing the shirt to be folded, "rinsing" dishes as they were washed, picking up a toy to put in the basket. Work came natural; it was just part of a day.
   Our children grew older and their work expanded: setting the table, sorting laundry, wipe the counter, put away their things. House work (chores) were daily and routine. If someone became ill, or I was tied up with a need, the older ones lent a hand and shared in things. Cooking peanut butter sandwiches for an evening meal is fine if made by a young child while mommy is cleaning up after a sick sibling. Being faithful in the small areas of life built trust to be given bigger things.
   Transitioning from child to youth has brought its challenges along with greater responsibilities. Older children took on farm chores, raised animals for production and show, became 'mother's helpers' to families from our church. Our youth eagerly volunteer, care for a family member, cook or grocery shop, baby sit...all bigger steps from simple home chores.
   With a work ethic developing it will also meet challenges. Sometimes we don't 'feel like it' or we have been gone from home and upon returning just don't 'have the energy'. This doesn't negate the responsibility so a solution must be found. You could ask someone else to do it, neglect it all together, see if someone is willing to assist if the job is time consuming, or just get it done.
   I remind my teens that asking for a stand if for your chores should be a limited thing and you should be willing to repay the favor. If you neglect it all together, your trustworthiness is put on the line and sooner or later consequences will follow. Working together does get the job done faster, most of the time, but again, be sensitive to the fact that person has work of their own to do and may be just as tired. Generally, the best bet is just get it done and go from there.
   It isn't always that easy. Currently we have teens in college and working part time outside the home; schedules collide with daily chores...getting things done is getting harder to do. Still, there must be a sense of work; after all, we adults still have to get it done. What is the key to making things work?
   I am no authority, but I am learning. First step is communication. We keep a family calendar in the kitchen and ask each family member to mark their schedules and keep it up to date. From here, chores are determined by who is home at the time a chores needs done. Second step is consideration. If you can lend a hand, lend it; be considerate of others' feelings and needs.
   With our teens' ages more and more is falling on the shoulders of mom and dad; it's normal, I know. So when they are home it is a blessing to see hands join together to fill water troughs or cook a meal, after all, many hands make light work. So whether the job is just unpleasant, untimely, or one that just has to be done, whether it's a labor of love, a pleasant task, one that is done in compassion for another...it's still work, and being ordained by our Lord, it is a Scaife family value.
  

Scaife Family Values: Togetherness

 

to·geth·er·ness/təˈgeT͟Hərnis/

Noun: The state of being close to another person or other people.

   Is your family close to one another? Did you grow up in a family that was? A deep desire of my heart was to raise a family that enjoyed togetherness; being close to one another. It hasn't always been easy; and even today, it's tough..yet, we strive to create those moments that draw them home.
   Togetherness in our home means sharing the load; working side by side to accomplish the needs of the homestead and sharing in the blessings it yields. Precious moments are spent along a garden row, around the kitchen counter, in a stall or coop, even at the clothesline. Working together brings quiet togetherness and opens the door for conversation- the openness sometimes needed to share something personal or profound. In this togetherness we teach one another and we learn together the strengths of one and the weakness of another- we appreciate our differences and love our complexities. Togetherness in work opens the door for togetherness in play.
   We practice the adage the family who works together, plays together and play we do! Games are an all out rambunctious event in this house; we're a competitive bunch. Sometimes it's an afternoon at a park or a day at the pool...a bike ride down a wooded trail or a night with a campfire in the back yard. Togetherness is shared as quilts line the living room floor and pillows get tossed about; popcorn is made on the stove as we share a bunched up movie=night...excellent after a tough teen day! Sometimes togetherness is found in the hard times when our strengths are tested and our patience is low.
   The togetherness of hard times has found our home is so many ways over the years. Devastation  from weather related events that destroyed our home brought us to a place of humility and hard work as we lived in a camper and rebuilt our home together- wall by wall, piece by piece (more than once). Hospitalizations and illness have drawn us to prayer and protectiveness; a time when our hearts are revealed and our relationships strengthened. Loss has drawn us ever so close showing us the treasure of each other and the power of God in a family. Whether financial or emotional, even lesser hard times try us and prove us..a family..together.
   As our children are growing, the togetherness is becoming more precious. Schedules and demands pull us this way and that making time together less frequent, yet, more meaningful; a treasure to be protected and sought after. So today, on this Labor Day weekend, when schedules are slowing just a bit..I make it a point to find togetherness. Meat is marinading, veggies are waiting to be cut, there are games set out and sweet treats to be made....I am off to be with my family...to value togetherness.

Scaife Family Values: Stewardship

my daughter's rendition of a Tasha Tudor painting, given to me on my birthday

 

   Webster's Dictionary:  The individual’s responsibility to manage his life and property with proper regard to the rights of others.

Holman Bible Dictionary:  Utilizing and managing all resources  God provides for the glory of God and the betterment of His creation.

       Most of us who have spent any amount of time in church think of money/tithe when we hear the word 'stewardship'. That was my mindset many years ago, however, when I married my husband taught me a deeper clearer meaning of biblical stewardship.
   In our family the idea of stewardship encompasses our time, our talent, and our treasures... a broad spectrum including so many facets of our life. Our family's view of stewardship starts with the clear view : everything we have is given to us by God. With this in mind, it is my responsibility, as a steward of God's things, to use them to the best of my ability in a manner that pleases the Lord and gives Him glory. When it comes to teaching family values, it's never to early to start..and never to late to review.

TIME:
*volunteer to help when the opportunity arises:
  ..older relatives, at a senior center, in assisted living
  ...with younger relatives, in a younger class, be a mentor to others
  ...with tasks/chores, at home, in church, in 4H, in your community
  ...when you don't want to...sometimes God is prompting us to step out a bit and do that which we are          uncomfortable with

TALENT:
*use it or lose it- God has given you abilities to use for His purposes
   ...can you babysit, adult sit, be a mommy's helper,
   ...do you teach, sing, play music, are you artistic
   ...are you a prayer warrior, compassionate, a good listener
 *do you have more than you are using
   ...can you share from your garden, your pantry, your closet
   ...support a missionary, a child in another country, an underground church or missionary
   ...take food to one in need, to a new mother, to an elderly friend

TREASURE:
*gifts are meant to be shared, what are your treasures?
  ...are you willing to send a family member to the mission field
  ...can you let go of your husband to minister to prisoners, homeless, impoverished
  ...would you give your life, health, security for another for the glory of God

   Tough questions that ask our consideration...what are we willing to give up for His sake. In our family, we aim to look for the opportunity..evaluate it...pray on it...being willing is half the battle. We have learned by doing, by experiencing, by getting out there. Sheltering our family away from the hard realities of our world has never been part of the plan, but to consider their age and maturity..then open the door to opportunity.
   My husband and I believe in teaching and training, holding each other accountable to the important task of stewardship. It is never to late to start.

Scaife Family Values: Relationships

   We are surrounded by them- they are one of the first experiences we have- relationships. Our family, our neighbors, classmates, our Lord- all relationships we come to face in the course of our lives. In our house relationships are an important family value.
   Each of us learns at an early age that while some relationships are good for us, some are not. Experience often leads us to the hard truth-  some relationships should be limited or even severed. How are we to know? Our family has some guidelines to gauge our relationships on to help us determine whether they are profitable or destructive.

   * A good relationship is edifying; it should build you up- enhance your character. 'As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another' (Prov 27:17) Our relationships should challenge us to better ourselves; to build a better character to compliment our relationships.

   *A good relationships bears good fruit. In challenging us to better ourselves, there will be evidence of improvement. Habits, activities, and attitudes will bear the 'fruit' of those we spend our time with.

  *A good relationship has boundaries. Balance is important in all areas of our lives and in a relationship it is key. Contentment with our selves and our relationships shows our practice of good boundaries.

  *A good relationship honors God. His approval is the most important aspect of any relationship; if the relationship honors Him, He will approve.

   While this is not exhaustive, and different situations lend different considerations- this is where we start. Our emotions should never be the guide we use; pressure should never hold you to someone. Good relationships are built and grown- nurtured and proved.
   Today my heart prays for our family's relationships; that we would take the time to evaluate them and consider the path they are taking us to. I pray for the severing of destructive relationships and the construction of edifying, God-honoring relationships.

Scaife Family Values

   Family values- we teach them in word, in deed either deliberately or accidentally. When we started our family, our hearts desire was to raise up our children to have a right relationship to Christ and to others. I wanted to have children other people enjoyed being around! In all honesty, it was hard to get started- and is still hard to maintain. The world and it's ways tug at our attention- distraction lurks all around. We must set our hearts to press on.
   After much prayer and consideration, I have decided to dedicate Saturdays to sharing family values; things we strive to instill in our hearts and the hearts of our children. Here's a peak at a few:
   *relationship with the Lord
   *respect life
   *honor/respect authority
   *diligence/endurance (a good work ethic)
   Now that we have had a peek into the coming weekend topics, I hope you will join me not only as readers, but as participators- sharing your family's values and lessons. Let us learn from each other by sharing our gleanings from the field- let's share our family values.