Let me just say I was taken aback by her comment. Had I seemed boastful or unkind? Was something amiss in this conversation- had we left her out? Her further probing pressed me for an answer. How do you answer such a thing? With a deep breath I replied.
Yes. There are a great many things I cannot do, and at one time I allowed those things to rule my life hindering my family and influencing my children. These ladies do not know me. Many of you do not know me. I am a person gripped with fear; paralyzing fear. The fear that ruins your relationships and burdens your loved ones. Not any more.
Many years ago my heart was deeply grieved at the heaviness my fears must bring my family. I realized my children were growing up with someone who easily stopped living over fear; fear of drowning, of loss, of driving on the freeway. Fear of failure and judgement or the condemnation of others. This reality led me to intense Bible study and deep heavy prayers. This was not what He planned for me. It couldn't be.
With God's help and much encouragement from my husband most of my fears have become minor anxieties. I can interact with others, teach a class, and even go to lunch with ladies without falling apart and throwing up. It became purposed in my heart to become a life long learner striving to find the things I do not know and learn all I could about them. Most of what I do in a day are things that brought me out of fear and remind me I can do things with God's grace and a little effort on my part.
Fear never really left me. I still struggle; not to the extent I once did. So to answer the question, yes there are things I cannot do and when I run into them I make it my goal to learn how to do them.
3 comments:
Good for you! You should be proud of yourself. I love learning new things and sharing what I have learned. Some people are interested and some aren't. But don't let those people stop you from growing and learning. As for the comment (Is there anything you can't do.) Take it as a compliment.
Good job! I too struggle with things like this....I still do at times. Another thing we have in common. Blessings from Wisconsin.
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