Find the Moments

I am a real person- flawed and messy. My life is not all together. Over the course of my journey no part of my existence has been perfect- not my parenting, my marriage, my work, or my walk. Never do I want the illusion of perfection. That said, I see families struggling, falling, and hurting all around me.. seeking some sense they are okay. To you I say, we are all struggling- our struggles may be different, but still struggles. No part of family is easy; you have to find the moments.

Some of us hold beautiful memories of our family life: childhood experiences we keep near our hearts. It may be a mealtime around the table, working side by side in the garden, or just sitting on a bench waiting for the next thing. These are memories made in random moments that grounded us in the midst of chaos and busy schedules. While we have these memories, we also need to ensure our children have them.

Sometimes the moments are random: stuck in the car during traffic, cleaning stalls, or sitting down for a breath. As adults, we need to seize these random times and embrace them as precious; wait for the still of things to bring a relaxed time for open, non-confrontational communication. Here is where they tell us their troubles, share their hearts, and maybe even seek our counsel.

There are moments we need to plan for: sipping coffee before the day starts, an afterschool snack time, or a weekly family dinner. These moments are consistent times for our children to know we are there for them; they can share, question, and consider things that really need to be. Knowing these times are available to them will help them feel secure in talking to us.

Our children need this as much as we do, but our aging families do as well. Moments like these give value to our elders and remind them they are still important to us. These moments feed us just as much as it feeds them- for we are still forming bonds and memories, too.

This week I seek the memory of moments- times of bonding, caring and forgiveness. The season of my life is changing as I face aging family members, young adult children, and the time of grandparenting.

The moments may look different to each of us, but let's not neglect having them... one day they may be all we have.

Wet But Not Washed Away

Dear Everyone,


It seems I cannot remember how many days it has been since the flood and rains began- but I do know it has not stopped. Our little homestead has not suffered any significant damage so far; God has been quite merciful! That said, many around can not say the same.


Homes, vehicles, and anything not rooted down are washing away in record breaking flood waters. Trees continue to fall offering their own form of devastating damage. Roads remain or become impassable on an hour by hour basis. Livestock struggle to be relocated. Let's just say- this are dire and they are not going to improve soon.


While we are fine, and our family are accounted for- our hearts and hands go out to those in need, helping in any way we can. Our office takes calls daily assisting our community in finding resources and services they need. At home, we make contact and offer assistance wherever we can. It is time to come together and get through it.


Let's take a moment today and consider the needs of others while it is in our power to do so.

Embracing the Role of a Veteran Parent

The youngest two- all grown up

Recently a friend of mine delivered her first precious baby just as my youngest 'baby' flew the coop. Her parenting journey is just beginning as mine seems to have ended. Or did it? As we chatted over the joy of her beautiful little treasure, the reality set in: our parenting journey never really ends, it just changes. 

Enter the season of the veteran parent. 

Instead of being on demand, educating, protecting and providing for the needs of our children, my husband and I have now found ourselves in a 'hands-off' role. We are now long-distance advisers to adult children; the counselors they turn to when they need a booster shot of parent wisdom and tough love.

Instead of having babies to rock and homework to help with, we are now grandparents that enjoy the little ones for a day.. or from a distance. We are there to encourage other parents plodding the path we have already trod. 

As a veteran parent, I can gather my compassion and share my wisdom with the world around me. I can seek opportunities to be available to my grown kids and for those struggling to survive their tender fleeting years with littles and youth. I can be available, open and willing to step alongside and listen to one who is frustrated, broken, grieving and ready to quit; hold the hand of the parent in despair or the one who feels all alone. 

Friends, whatever stage of parenting we are in... we are all in this together. Let's encourage one another and be available to lend support!

Breath...

The cold winter wind finally found its way to the homestead; a wind of change, I do believe. This year is leaving me and moving on never to be seen again.

So many changes have come and gone on the little plot of earth we inhabit:
        children have grown...
             a grandchild has come...
                    jobs and routines have altered...
                      a boy became a man...
                           all while I wasn't looking.

This year has been a challenging year of revelation; a time to see the hard truths and find the way to face them. Nothing tragic has happened and no losses have occurred- things have just changed.

With a new year comes evaluation and adjustment; life will be different:
            no children living at home....
                a full time job with changes of its own...
                     a young man in the military spreading his wings and taking flight...
                          the home to consider.

There is no doubt in my mind the homestead will need to adjust to the needs and changes of our household. We have less people to feed, so considerations will be made regarding gardens, livestock, and space; no plans to end our homesteading- only adjust it.

I sit in the quiet wrapped in hand made warmth; Ben and my warm cup for company as I patiently wait for the ideas to flow. For now, it is time to rest... to breath.

Happy New Year! May God's grace be with you.



 

Dark, Difficult Love

I did something I rarely do. I sat at the TV flipping through the 'holiday happy love' junk. Dozens and dozens of sappy situations to feed our emotions (and our discontentment). Every channel offered 'the spark', the glow, that tingly feel good thing that is suppose to be love.

Not one to deny those loves exist, I am one to say those moments are not constant. The warm, fuzzy emotion of love is fleeting, even occasional in real life. Images given to us by media and entertainment toy with us, pressing us to believe that is the one and only true love.

Love is a choice; an action; a daily thought that is tested and tried- pushed to its limits. Love challenges us to look at the deepest parts of ourselves and face what we often choose to hide. Our vanities and virtues are tested by love-
                   as we are placed in a place of humility for the needs of another
                        as we stand back for another to make their own choices no matter the outcome
                             as we look past the mirror and see the darkest parts of ourselves
                                  as we face who we are forced to reckon with that darkness and move forward.

Over the many years of my life, the pain and test of dark, deep love has surfaced and subsided. So many times it pushes me to places in my heart I dare not look (nor do I want to). Some moments creep up on you, some hit you like a bus:
                    as our dreams are not reality and others don't play by 'our rules
                           as our spouses are imperfect and flawed (as we are) choosing a path we didn't
                                  as our children grow and make choices and mistakes of their own
                                        as loved ones come to a place of need.

There is a beauty in choosing this dark, difficult love; in submitting to it, facing it, and working through the fire it brings. Nothing compares to the emotion, pain, and joy found here. When the dark moments pass, sweet release reveals the precious, secret reality:
                        there is no greater love that this
                                  there is no easy path to it
                                           there is no more precious a gift that to be given the opportunity to love
                                                     in the dark, difficult, humble and gracious
                                                                love.

Detox or Purification: My Experience with Healing Baths for When We are Ill

Detox: the removal of toxic substances from a living organism.

Purification: to clean of foreign elements or pollution.

Imagine a long soak in warm, soothing water; the aroma of ginger and clove paired with lemon and mint tickle every breath. Your scalp tingles a bit and your skin drinks up every mineral as muscles relax all the way to the bone. Sigh. A sip of herbal tea warms you deep inside as you smile in gentle peace.
That is a healing, restorative bath- and they are delicious!

The purpose of such bathing is to draw out what has slowed our body; elements from the environment, preservatives from a meal, or illness from the body. Many believe it helps with metal overload or environmental chemical absorption. Overall, the healing bath is meant not only to remove, but to restore as well; rich minerals, vitamins, herbal plant properties, and deep hydration.

What are they used for:
hydration, restoration, aide in detox, relieve migraines or tension headaches, allergies, PCOS or female stagnation, digestion, and stress

How are they used:
warm water as you tolerate, soak 20-45 minutes or until the water cools, sip tea or water to keep internal hydration, dark or dim atmosphere

When are the used:
as needed or up to three times a week (more often is generally only recommended during times of extreme malady)


My study into healing baths spurred from my migraines- I knew a steamy shower or relaxing bath seemed to really help ease the symptoms. I also knew from my herbal studies that many herbs and oils gave relief. The search to put them together led me to page after page of 'detoxifying baths', purification bathing, and herbal steeping. I admit some of it seemed rather far out there, but there was a common practicality to them. Draw out and soak in. The experimentation began.

photocredit

The first 'recipe' I tried was simple: magnesium salts, sodium bicarbonate, with thieves oil in the warmest water I could tolerate 20 minutes. Pure joy! It relieved my symptoms and offered a refreshing feeling (relaxed and restful). I tried the bath several times after that, not only when I was facing a migraine, but also when I was worn down, exposed to stress or illness, traveling, and even when I had just 'gotten off track'.

Not being one to settle, I dug deeper into the study of healing baths to find there are a plethora of bath recipes and methods: vinegars, minerals, clays, herbals, essential oils and even some with tea. What works for what symptom varies as much as the herbalists and practitioners who write them. It can be a bit confusing. As an herbalist studying holistic nutrition and healing, I like to cater my bath elements to the need or symptom: thieves blends for illness; kava or chamomile for relaxation; and a steeped vinegar bath for when my body seems out of balance. Unless you are under the consultation of a practitioner or you are a studying herbalist yourself, the basic recipe is most likely best.

The most basic recipe I have found:
2 handfuls of magnesium salts or flakes
1 handful sodium bicarbonate
warm water
20-45 minutes
dim lighting with a mild tea such as mint or kava, or simply water

Considerations:
essential oils
herbal vinegars
herbs steeped in your bath (I do bag mine as I dislike cleaning the tub afterward)
bentonite clay

Notes from my journal:
often my body sweats a bit after the bath, so give yourself time to rest and dress lightly (about 30 minutes or and hour)
it is not to apply lotions to the skin as your pores are very open
eating afterward may upset your stomach (remember- detoxing)

This week ragweed bloomed in my area- not at all pleasant for me. An herbal bath, some herbal tea, and plenty of restful reading are on the agenda!
Wishing you wellness during this allergy season:)



I am not a medical doctor. This information is for educational purposes only. 

The Balance of Being

Lately I find myself struggling to find the balance as our season in life changes. Isn't it amazing how you can finally start to get your footing in a stage, then wham! everything dumps over and we start again. In only a few short years we have gone from a bustling homestead full of teens, to an empty home with a grand baby.

When our children became adults, a whole new need for balance came with it. While we are still there parents, and forever will be, we are not their boss- nor should we be. There is need for balance to maintain a healthy relationship without hindering their independence. When asked by a parent how this is done I simply responded- it looks different to all of us.

For me, there is a tendency to tell them how to do it (not very balancing). As you can imagine this tends to grind nerves and set distance between us. Putting into practice the balance of being available without being in the way has helped quite a bit. I'm not saying there aren't times when a bit of 'motherly direction' slips out, but occasional is better received than constant.

Along with balancing our advice and directions, I found our time needs balanced. When they first left, they seemed more eager to come home for a weekend. Time as shown them visiting less and less, as is natural with growing independence, Not expecting them to drop everything and come over is part of the balance of respecting their space and their schedule.

Grand-parenting is another delicate balance to practice. New mommies don't necessarily take well to constant advice. Being available and willing to let them come to me when they are ready (if at all) is hard, but again, balancing. I can not tell you how hard I find it to sit back and remain silent sometimes (I'm sure it happened when I was a young mom too).

The last balancing I am finding these days is the balance of aging family. Giving our aging or declining families their space, independence, and integrity is hard. I am a do-er, a fixer.. I do not sit back and wait very well. My nature is to jump in and get it done, but that can tip the scale quickly. It isn't easy to let them decide they need help, but it does transition more smoothly if we do.

My empty-ing nest is a new challenge; one I am trying to balance gracefully. So far I have spent a great deal of time crying, praying and most often distracting myself with projects. In the end, I realize the only contentment I will find is in seeking the balance of being where I am, with who I am, for the purpose of what I am.

Get More In Your Day- Movement

This week has challenged me; I am a mover. Anyone who knows me understands that sitting for hours is not conducive to my personality; even at my desk I am moving thanks to my stability ball 'office chair'. The problem this week? I am in a master specialist training requiring me to sit through several hours of lectures. It made me realize, many people do sit for hours on end be it work, choice, or physical restriction (often times I hear people do not realize they have sat for a long period due to distractions/entertainment).

Chatting with my fellow students during meals, I discovered not only are people often not moving, they are challenged with ideas to get moving more. Concerns over opportunity, safety, and the all out interest, or lack of, seem to be common. I love a challenge. It's time for some creative movement that is safe, flexible with our schedule, and not mind numbing.

My personal 'move it more's' challenge:

On the job:

* Parking lot
   Many of us have heard to park farther from our destination- that's fine, but let's take this a bit further and spread it throughout our day.
   I say, walk the parking lot! Every time I take a convenience break (potty) I take a stroll around the parking lot. This hint of sunshine and fresh air offer a wonderfully stimulating brain break.

* Stairs
   I didn't have stairs available to me in either of my locations, but if you have them use them. Stirring the cardio system is excellent for mental clarity and focus.

* Stability ball
   Stability balls offer core strength and gentle movement without being disruptive to the office environment. If you have a private office, gentle stretches can also help with long hours of desk time. (more to come in another post) My stability ball was not with me and I could tell; shoulders and back were sore and stiff after hours of sitting.

Once the day is over:

* Stop off at:
   The gym: Stopping off on the way home is much easier than leaving once you have arrived home.
   A park: Frugal and easy, parks are all over the place. As long as it is still light outside, a brisk walk is quick and easy.
   Trails: We have a few trails in our area and some subdivisions have walking paths. They are great.
^^^^I keep a spare pair of shoes and some 'walking clothes' in the car just in case I am not dressed for a walk.

* Play
   If you go home to children or a dog, play with them! Ben was very eager to walk, fetch, tug, and play with me when I made it home. Play is an excellent way to move and to enjoy our family.
   No pets or kids- play anyway. Shoot hoops, toss or kick a ball at a net, visit a batting cage, maybe even just swing a little while- it's fun!

* Garden
   My garden chores are never done, offering me an opportunity for some movement every time I visit it. Walk through, pick a weed, pluck some pests, and water it- all great moving activities.

So what's the point? We could all use more activity in our day, and our schedules don't make it easy. This month my focus professionally and personally is to find more simple, effective, safe, ways to get moving and share it with others.
Did I do all of these things? You bet. I promise not to share it unless I have done it!
What's your way to get more movement in your day?

For the Love of a Girl- Doc and Miss K

From the first moment they met, Doc knew he loved Miss K. This tiny human stole the heart of a giant long-eared grump.

For the love of this girl

he

paces the fence waiting for her to visit his pasture;

announces her arrival with what seems like enthusiasm- if a donkey can be enthusiastic.

For Miss K, Doc

withholds his nibbling habit

for the tender brushing fingers of her tiny hands;

allows mushy girl kisses to command his mighty presence.

Not only has Doc become rather mushy with her, but he even caved in to nibbling dried leaves instead of his preferred 'fresh green' leaves (though he does spit them out when she isn't looking).

He has been seen fretting over her as she climbs the slide, 

or works the garden.

Jealousy has been suspected when he sees her

petting Ben, 

or chatting with the goose.

Yes, it is quite mind boggling how such a determined beast can be brought to gentle grace by a tiny bundle of giggles and curls. 

He is the first to announce her arrival and the last to tell her goodbye.

He is the first name she calls when she gets here and the last visit she makes before going home.

For the love of a donkey, Miss K sneaks carrots and apples from the fridge- and talks everyone into a walk outside.

For the love of a girl, Doc humbles himself with gentle love and grace.

I'm just waiting for the day she finally gets him to 'sit' on command (she is working very hard on that one). 

Miss K & Uncle J

There is a special bond that grows in the heart of a child; a bond shared with a person that just 'gets them'. For Miss K, her 'person' is none other than the farm boy whom she affectionately calls 'My J'. From the moment they met, she just knew he was her person.

J put her swing on his old swing set and introduced her to the magic of 'flying'. 

Ready, set, go!

Higher and higher!

Giggles abound as the bond grows.

J shows her how chores are done; patiently walking with her hand on his pant leg. It's quite a sight to see this very tall guy being led by such a small girl, but they fit. 

Miss K knows where there is a J there is food! Nothing is sacred when she finds you eating a tasty lasagna or a cup of pudding. The conversations here are priceless! She has been known to barter a snack for a story; after all a growing boy and a growing girl need that, right?

She knows J is the perfect guy for taking a walk with, or taking swimming. He is okay with mud pies and fishing (because you know a swimming pool has fish, don't you?)

Together they play hard, get all sweaty, and cool off in the little pool.

They are a perfect pair- he never talks and she never stops!

Two of a kind.

Full of fun and mischief.

Always ready for a good laugh, 

or an energizing game of peek-a-boo.

Miss K and J

Precious!

Fostering a Creative Life

A recent conversation stirred my mind- the topic? Creativity, or- more specifically- a creative lifestyle. We batted back and forth the ideas/notions that creativity is a thing some people have and some people don't. 'Creativity is for 'art people' not everyday people.' That confused me. I don't see myself as 'art people', yet I do see myself, my family, my kids as creative.

I decided to define creative as I see it:

Create: to make something new; to bring into being something that was not before

Creative: engaging the imagination

A creative life: setting an environment for involving the imagination

These are my personal definitions; the ones that lead me to believe each and every one of us has creativity- even a need for it. Most of us have either buried it ourselves or had it buried by someone/ something along the way.

Sit still, Keep clean. Don't make a mess. Study hard. Take a test. Be entertained. Work hard. None of these statements invoke notions of creativity, instead they stifle it. These things are not necessarily wrong; just out of balance. The realities and demands of our lives need a creative balance to them.

The work side educates, provides, and produces. The creatives side relieves, relaxes, and rebuilds. They go together, or they should. Where do we find creative? You may say, like my friend, 'I'm not crafty or artistic.' You don't have to be. Creative is self-expressed and grows from our individual interests... but it must be fostered.
Our minds are so numb from everything pressing us, we no longer know our interests!

So how do I foster it when I don't know what it is?

Put stuff in front of you and see what happens.

When I introduce children to creativity, I simply put stuff in front of them and let them go. Various paints and papers, craft items, glue, natural leaves, sticks and string, fiber supplies such as yarn and fabric are all items to put in front of you. Dig a small corner of your yard and stick some plants there. Doodle or color... give yourself a child-like opportunity to relax and do something new.

If you have children at home, like I once did, designating a 'creative space' is wonderful. A small table in the corner, a desk, or even a spot on the porch can give opportunity without pressure. Sit and do it with them, but be careful not to dictate perfection; that is not the goal. Expression, release, and rest is what we are going for. Let them, and yourself, display your results- no matter what they are!

- A note: your child might scribble black crayon all over a paper; beware your reaction. Only they know what emotions, feelings, frustrations, or interests sparked that. Let them release it safely here. You might feel like doing it too one day (some work days go that way, am I right?)

A word of caution:  be open to the possibility their creative niche is not the same as yours...their creative language, their medium....may not match you!
My son plays guitar, works with leather, and build things- one daughter paints, sketches, and does digital arts- another knits, crochets and does beautiful thread work... I quilt, garden and humbly paint/sketch. We are each drastically different in our medium, muse, and approach to creativity! Be open to the reality... we are all different!

Growing up, it never crossed my mind that I was allotted creative expression... but I was. Gardening, sewing, nature, time to color or play.. these things were always in front of me and available to me (I even studied art for a time). The key to fostering a creative life is to let it happen without pressure or force. Make it available to you and your family- you will be surprised how relaxing it is!

Fretfully Fallen Behind

It's sad, but true- I have fallen fretfully behind! Day after day it seems the light runs out before the long list of things clawing at my attention. Sitting in the middle of the living room floor, my mind wandered to the possibilities of why: my age? empty nest? outside job? weather? There may be an answer there, but the truth is- life is life, I am human, and today I am just behind-- but, there is hope.

The two year research project has found its end; data collection is finally complete. While that chapter of my life has closed, there is a small possibility the job itself will continue. Work is still scheduled and, for now, there is funding for me to complete it a bit longer.

Another school year is behind us: my youngest is officially a college student (thought he has been for a year)- his high school graduation complete. My role in school nutrition and garden education is closed for this school year- several successful gardens, cooking/nutrition lessons are complete. My journey as a home school mom is complete and my year as "Professor Go" has closed. Fortunately, I have a small break until the summer sessions begin.

With these things out of the way, it is sad to say I am working toward getting my  balance back in several areas of life:

- weaning baby goats
   If you have ever done it, you feel my pain. Bottle fed babies become psychotic little demons when you start the weaning process.

- stocking the freezer
   After the poultry apocalypse, we did finally manage to raise 1/4 of the number of meat birds we generally put up in a year. Never the less, it is time to butcher those babies and fill the freezer. We also have a heifer hanging to complete the deal.

- canning
   This creeps up on you! Since my property is a swamp right now (yes I am in the Texas flood mess) I am striving to harvest any and all veggies that managed to survive and produce. These plants will succumb to their fate soon, so daily sloshing through the rows is necessary.

- cleaning
   Time to detox my house again! Clothes, dishes, stuff of madness must go. Ignoring the problem put me long overdue (and I hate tossing things out).

- quilting
   You can only imagine the struggle to sit at a frame! Several quilts are waiting patiently- giving me a sense of guilt every time I walk past them.

- myself
   Now that the 'mama phase' has slowed to 'mother of young adults' it is time to find myself; to determine the pace that fits an empty house and solitude. Despite the fact I am married, my husband and I work different hours- our time is rather limited to Sunday. This pushes me to find me and the pace, path, and priorities that fit this season.

Today- I am breathing deep the fleeting moments of sunshine, watching the water still flowing across my land, and embracing the mess that is me. It is time to get back on track and put away being behind.  

Sometimes He Just Gets Me



 

Shopping is not my forte; or my husbands. We absolutely would rather weed the garden than shop- especially during the holidays. Anyone getting this? Not only do we not shop, but - honey, we do not shop together. Last December found us outside our right minds, shopping together, in stores we never visit with each other.. like World Market.

 

He was rushing me to get the last of our shopping done before our get-together's got underway when I decided to bite the bullet and drag him through World Market for a few items I had in mind and couldn't find anywhere else. I had it in my head he would most likely sit in the car, circling the parking lot like he had at the last 'female-type store' we hit. He didn't. With a groan, we went in.

 

I am all for going to what you need and getting out the door, but he has a much more advanced condition known as 'get it and run." Meandering in a way that drives him to the nine degree of crazy found me gazing longingly at a whole section of beautiful mortar and pestles. I would surely be a real herbalist if I had a whole mess of mortar and pestles in my herbal kitchen. My mind drifted through barefoot fantasies of picking and snipping herbs; drying bunches all over the house; blending this and that in a mortar just the right size. Until he disrupted my daydream with 'are we done?'- uhg. He did offer to buy me one- but, one- how do you choose one? I declined. We left.

 

Much to my surprise every one of those mortar and pestles showed up in my kitchen the morning after Christmas. He had stayed later than the farm boy for their trip to the lease to sneak them onto the counter and leave me a note. Why? Because, every once in a while he just gets me.

 

It took me a less than a year to complete two herbal certifications, find a mentor, and start getting real about natural practices. Long before that one of our daughters built an herbal garden, which I took over after she moved to college- furthering my desire to study and practice. He was my constant reminder to study, test recipes, use them, and continue. The guy has tolerated my ramblings about what I learn and the shock that often comes from reading about modern medicine. Sometimes, he just gets me.    

 

There in my kitchen I stood speechless- not easy to do. I later learned he went and found that market place after his gym and before work the day after our outing. Hiding them, he had not wanted to give them in front of everyone, but save them- he knew what it would mean to me and that we wouldn't want this moment lost in the jumble. He knew how long it had been since one of us just 'got it' and did something totally irrational and out of character. He knew I would get it, too.

 

Every time those mortars catch my gaze I am reminded of that moment alone with them in the kitchen, when I remembered what drew me to him all those years ago, what keeps me grounded to him all these years later, and what gets us through everything life has handed us. Despite it all, I get him... and sometimes he gets me, too.  

A Quilty Finish for January- Just in Time

 

Okay. I know it seems a bit silly to celebrate something so small. This table topper quilt technically only took a few weeks to complete- but with my work schedule that is a miracle! Two color triangle squares set the blocks 'on point' giving the appearance of tumbling blocks. Some of you may remember this pattern was done in the exact same colors a few years ago, however, this one is much smaller and has different borders, backing and stitching. It is called, "Gazing Through my Window". It is a quilt for my mother.

For some time now my mother has been quite ill, spending plenty of time resting. Her home here with me is set so that from any place she rests there is a window view of different parts of the farm. Sitting with her one afternoon I realized that the position she often rests in lets her gaze through a tree top canopy at the blue sky. Quietly there my mind was drawn to the remnants of my previous quilt and the beauty of a blue sky with puffs of white where stark brown branches interrupt and hint at where beautiful leaves should be.

Sritching and scratching in my notebook, the design table filled with bits of this and pieces of that until the machine was called into action as snippettes of thread and tidbits of fabric magically came together in the form of this little quilt. The small size was important, as her home is dressed in small tables and little couches- perfect homes for little quilts.

The quilting stitches were the final puzzle I struggled to find. She loves flowers, but the are not in season and were not seen through the window. Farm motifs were out of place and leaves just didn't work for me. After days of doodling and moaning over the whole mess (I nearly gave up and said it would have to wait) when finally it hit me.. dogwood. She has always loved the dogwood. Looped petals along the blocks gave a gentle impression of breeze while lending the 'memory of leaves' that struck me as I gazed through her window.

It all came together at the very last minute. I was literally stitching the binding hours before our gathering- the pains of being too concerned with representation of the idea. Tucked in a gift bag, I was itching for her to see it.. of course, she loved it.. but the story has not been told.

So here, today, I share the imagery, the imaginary (the fretting) and the facts behind her quilt.. given with the intention of brightening dark days and bringing to mind all the wonder that can be found by simply "Gazing Through (her) Window".

Happy Birthday, Mom.

Snack Time with LuLu and Miss K

A few months back someone new joined our little homestead; a beautiful white goose. Her name is Lucy, lovingly dubbed "LuLu' by little Miss K. My mother's idea, Lucy lives on the 'baby pasture' opposite the laying hens and milk goat area in order to keep her out of their water troughs. Though unsure of her at first, her loud honking sound has become a welcome to us- for she and Doc (the donkey) are quite eager to alert us at any moment. Her call brings a loving smile across little K's face- for that means it must be snack time.

One thing Miss K learned very quickly is that Lucy loves to be hand fed. Whether a piece of bread, a palm full of grain, or a cracker, Lucy eagerly waddles to you and enjoys your offering. She even stands by ready to muddle the ponds when you clean our her pools. Miss K loves to spend time in the pasture with her LuLu.

Any given afternoon, Miss K loves to take crackers out to dear LuLu. Sitting there on a fallen log, K offers out a cracker, which LuLu eagerly snips a bite from.. then K takes a bite; then LuLu takes a bite; then K. This will go on until they run out of crackers.

One day, Miss K's Uncle Rams decided to take her out for snack time with Lucy. In an effort to join the fun, Rams took a bite from the cracker in K's hand, which is apparently a no-no. It seems the two jabbered and honked and scolded him good! After all, you have to be invited to Miss K and LuLu's snack time- you can't just invite yourself.

 

A Little Stitch Therapy (or The Day I Murdered My Machine)

The cold has finally won, driving me into the house in search of some color and life. Quilting seemed like a great way to get a little spring of life in my day. Everything was quite zen until everything fell apart and died.

Let me just say, if you hear a weird sound when you are stitching- if you feel resistance from the thread- STOP everything... and call someone not emotionally involved in the situation (i.e. a man). I did not stop. I attempted to repair the situation by starting over a hundred times before the poor machine just stopped responding to me.

From there, I still couldn't leave things alone. Instead I linked on to the troubleshooter web page and went into a full on panic at their advice to take the bobbin area apart for a good cleaning. After a few cups of coffee and a brisk walk- you guessed it- I braced myself and dismembered the poor machine one screw at a time.

It seems a small lamb had taken up residence there in the bobbin chamber and died a sad, lonely death leaving behind his fleece. The trouble shooter web guy assured me this would solve my problems. Doubtful, but in desperate need of finishing what I started, I proceeded to do what the back of my mind told me not to do. You guessed it. I murdered my machine.

No one was home to see the look of horror that surely crossed my face when the bobbin cover leaped out from under the fabric, followed by the bobbin case jumping halfway out- setting somewhat askew under the fabric where the needed was jammed down in the machine resulting in a giant hole in the fabric. There are no words people. No words.

A few deep breaths and a web cam pic later the trouble shooter guy completely gave up on me advising I stop touching the poor thing and let a professional handle it. This put me in "how to tell the husband" mode. You know the one. "Hey, honey, I know the car is broke down but, guess what- I murdered the million dollar sewing machine today and need to take it in." I know my man- this will not bode well.

Defeated and lying on the floor in tears, my phone interrupted the melt down. My mom with a little
'what's up?' text. Thumbs flew as I confessed my sins. Over pops Dad; long time sewing machine savior, confident he could resurrect my poor thing.

After quite a time of painful machine surgery and a little scolding about making sure I am not sewing with a bent needle (which, of course, I argued I was not doing- sigh)... he assured me the machine was up, running, and in perfectly good help. No further medical attention necessary. I was doubtful, arguing that the second problem was fixed, but there was a first problem that he hadn't dealt with. Not deterred by my fit, he left me- confident in his work.

Shamefully I confess there was a time of sipping coffee and pouting- putting off the inevitable 'test run'. Here.. for the whole world to see.. he was right. Clean bobbin case, new needle, and the thing works like nothing ever happened. I paid him in cake- home made, from scratch, pound of butter in the batter cake (and a hearty confession that he was right). I will never live this down.

In the end, stitch therapy did happen... along with a hearty dose of humility.

Five things I am Doing Today

1. Sipping any hot beverage I can get my hands on: coffee, mint tea, and chai.

2. Wearing the layers..in front of a heat source...wishing the sun would come out.

3. Reading about natural pain therapy and spinal/disk health (not for myself).

4. Trying to break a creativity block- I hate when it hits me!

5. Attempting to draw up garden design plans for the many gardens I am so blessed to be part of (thus creativity block).

I hope all of you are in a warm place, surrounded by warm people, enjoying warm nourishment, and dreaming of sunshine and something creative!

Trying to Catch My Breath

    

A flurry of activities

appointments

work commitments...

family..

functions of every kind.

These days I find myself trying to catch my breath..

to focus

stay on top of things

to function without losing my mind amidst

a calendar

family

home

and the things that pierce us so deep we dare not discuss it.

 

This weekend found me

lost

unclear

unable to wrap my mind around the events that present themselves.

Sometimes we are pressed so hard we no longer see.

That's where we are...

and I am trying to catch my breath.

 

Next week will find me

pushing the clock

packing the car

planning the break

and creating new distractions to keep me from losing my mind.

 

But for now

I am trying to catch my breath.

10 Things a Sick Little Reminded Me

In case you hadn't guessed, a little one now lives here on the homestead- our grandbaby and her mamma. Recently the poor thing suffered a nasty case of sinus and ear infections; keeping us up several nights on end.

I have learned ten things during this experience:

1. You never forget how to bounce, rock and walk.

2. Babies can function on amazingly little sleep.

3. Adults can not.

4. You can, surprisingly, make it through a day and have no idea how you managed.

5. Coffee is vital.

6. Men can cook; it may be scrambled eggs, but they can cook.

7. Laundry is like mint- it will take over.

8. Recliners should come with every crib.

9. Protective dogs will tear up a screen door when 'their' baby cries.

10. This too shall pass.

I find it funny that all these things were true back when my babies were babies- and they are still holding strong now that there is a grandbaby in the picture.

Here's to coffee and Tiger Balm.

I thing my back has a kink in it.



Through Eyes of Wonder

     Today the little and I found ourselves wandering the homestead in search of wonder. Isn't it amazing how children see things; how their eyes light up; their face fills with awe? They are absolutely fascinated by the simplest of things- things we take for granted every day. Things like the venation of a leaf, the softness of a goat's ear, the buzz of a bee. I absolutely love to watch her watching things.
     Generally we visit each pasture, taking time to rub a nose, toss a handful of feed, or tug an ear.. but lately, as she is growing and striving to explore more, our time outside has grown as well. Today there was the simple joy of just gazing through the tree canopy and smiling at the clouds passing through. There was sitting on a log giggling as chickens pecked and clucked at our feet. We fed the goose and laughed at the way the ducks waddle.
      We extended our walk into the gardens to gaze at flowers and touch the green kumquats growing on the tree. Her enthusiasm for nature at such a young age thrills me- she seems to absorb everything she finds. Of course, Ben (our Pyrenees), was ever close to keep an eye on her well being for he has bonded to our little and made her his own.
      The time outside ended the same way it always does- a visit to our swing. There we relax and breathe deep the many wonders we have seen. It reminds me of why I do what I do- to open the eyes of wonder in others that our modern lives seems to have shut. Tonight I ponder and reminisce this wondrous thing and keep it close to my heart.