Thoughtful Thursdays...Ponderings from the Accidental Pastor's Wife

                            I'll Just Have to Be Me


   Ah, butterflies; graceful, gentle, silent. Fluttering along the breeze they gently glide from flower to flower. These precious creatures are so beautiful and peaceful. Comfort and a sigh come to my soul as I watch their graceful dance. If only....
    Watching a butterfly from the window yesterday...in a place I had not planned to be..in a situation I had not intended to be in that day..I was sitting at the window beating myself up over the way I handled a situation just moments before. Gazing at this thing of beauty, my heart cried, "Why can't I be more like this? Graceful, gentle, calm..why and I so.....like me?" Truly there are times I wish my character had a bit more softness and tact, but......it doesn't.
     My actions in this situation were not harmful, nor were they degrading..I was standing up for someone unable to stand for themselves in a situation that needed standing up in. The outcome was for the better of the persons involved, yet, could I have been more like a gentle butterfly and less like a locus?
      God knows my heart and the intentions of my actions; surely He laughs. For as I battled in myself, He reminded me of a time when my own best intentions called for His gentle humbling..for truly He desires me to be me.


      In our little church community several youth in our congregation were graduating this past May. Our family was invited to the graduation ceremony Being a bi-vocational pastor, my husband works evening shift and was unable to attend the graduation with me.
       Doing my best to put my best foot forward, I arrived in ample time, found good seating in the bleachers- with members of our church family to sit with. So far, so good. I managed pleasant conversation, smiled and shook hands, cheered our graduations. Whoo, the end was in sight.
       Walking through the parking lot, keys in hand, I was commenting on how well the whole thing had gone. Not one incident of me being me- I was so proud (and at those words I heard a little voice- pride goes before destruction).
      Noticing a youth (and her family) nearby, I abruptly turned to say hello. In my eagerness, I tripped over a parking barrier...and, you guessed it, the keys in my hand landed (rather loudly) on the hood of a very nice car. As I tried to compose myself, the young girl's family said, "Oh, my goodness! Did you just scratch that car? Hey, aren't you the pastor's wife?" If only the world could swallow me.
      Needless to say, my husband still gets a great laugh out of this little lesson..as do I. My best efforts are nothing without God's help. Putting on pretense and attempting to be something or someone I am not is sinful. My Lord knows me, my character, my flaws, my strengths and my weaknesses...and He can us all of it, so, instead of berating my feeble attempts to serve Him, it seems He is teaching me- I just have to be me.
      
simplychele