|hiking trail- just him and me|
The past several weeks have been crazy.. just crazy. Our homestead, our family, our day to day are all changing. While change is good, it is also taxing and during the process many things suffer. This poor little blog has definitely suffered! Since I have little control over the path my week days take, weekends have become a balancing act between catch up and calm down.. thus.. walking in the weeds.
It's hard to believe it, but last weekend was the first time my husband and I ever walked in the woods- just the two of us. Hiking has always been a string of children rumbling through the forest tagging, identifying, and curiously investigating every single living thing that held still long enough. Those children are grown (or almost grown) and on their own path, leaving he and I to hike the woods alone.
I found it quite strange to hitch it up the hills and down the vine tangled paths with such silence and serenity- it freaked me out a little bit. My life is filled with noise and activity- all this calm was a bit unsettling! Quiet unnerves me because that is when my mind wanders down those paths of memory I struggle and resist going.
Paths where all of my children giggled and played. Where they stood in awestruck wonder at the venation of a leaf and the web toes of a gecko. Where they saw God in every living thing and sought to know Him. That place where we were a family together- loving, laughing, and .. well.. together. Not disconnected and distant- not bitter.. not separate. Those paths I distance myself from because it is painful and hard to face the parts of my life I cannot control.. that are gone .. that cannot be reclaimed... the relationship I cannot restore.
There in the woods, facing the path I didn't want to face.. remembering the joy that once was.. I found a new path. My husband and I raced up the sandy hills.. stared in wonder at baby rabbits just old enough to have been more in late spring. We identified trees by their bark and leaves.. stood awestruck at wild blossoms and the intricacy of a spider's web. Together we talked about the days behind and the days to come- the changes we are trying to find our place in.
There in the woods we realized we will survive the emptying nest.. the difficult days and challenges in each day. In the woods we found each other- as if we had never before.