Monday, July 14, 2014

What on Earth am I doing?

The garden is a hideous mess-
poor plants are struggling to produce amid the weeds.
Our house is undergoing some, well, purge-
less kids at home, less things we need, way less time to clean it.
Goats are growing-
does are producing-
babies are weaning.. the barn is a mess.
I sit on the floor, rather defeated and wonder-
what am I doing?
I am:
adjusting to changes
facing challenges
struggling to simplify
and
drowning in the process.
Anyone relate?
     I don't know about everyone else, but it seems I can't remember how it is that I use to get everything done? We have had all of these chores, closets, cabinets, and pantries for years- why can't I seem to get it together? Who knows. Maybe it's the lack of 'hands on deck' to assist with all the 'to-do's', or the fact I now live with two men (men use to having me home to do it). Maybe it is because I am working outside the home, but I always had other things to do. Maybe it's hormonal, empty nest syndrome, or getting 'older'- wait, nope.. I threatened to hit the next person who mentioned those things (note, punch self).
     You see, I sat in the middle of a disorganized mess this weekend and just lost it. I love my garden, herd, flock.. my herbals.. home made/hand made life. Yet, I love the kids that cross my path.. the parents that bump into me at the store.. sharing their stories and experiences.. challenging my creative chaos. I just don't yet know they fit together.
      Either way, this home is under renovation.. as is this blog.. this shop.. this terribly flawed life. I am under construction.. as is my routine, my schedule... my sanity (and my hormones). Yes, I will still homestead- still sew- still teach- still drive my family and coworkers insane. I'm just not sure how it is all going to fall together. Please bear with me as I dig up, clear out, hunker down and find my place.

6 comments:

Michelle said...

I can relate. I feel the same way. For some reason I can't get it together. My husband say I have burn out from trying to do to much.

Dolly Sarrio said...

I like to contribute mine to I'm getting older! (lol) True but an excuse I think? Relate to this post for sure.

Lisa Coon said...

We all have our own path to follow. The last couple of years I was dealing with my dad's stuff. First I was cleaning his house that 1. He hadn't been living in, 2. was filled with stuff because he was a hoarder 3. was trashed because it had been broken into twice 4. had become infested with mice (see 1 and 2 above). I live an hour and a half away from him. I spent one day nearly every weekend for over a year dealing with that house. I finished last fall. Over this past winter, his health deteriorated and he passed away this spring. Needless to say, my garden suffered quite a bit to the point I considered giving it up (I have a plot in a community garden). But this year, while I still have oodles to do (including a new puppy), I am able to spend more time in my garden. So, to summarize, patience is a virtue and this too shall pass. :)

Simply Scaife Family said...

Thank goodness- I am not the only one!

Lynn said...

You are such a blessing to so many people, including me. I would imagine its difficult for you to find balance while wearing all those hats at the same time. (pun intended). God must have lots of confidence in you.

Kathleen said...

I certainly relate! And agree with the others who have commented. I know that I can't get as much done as I could when I had my three boys to help AND I am getting older AND have less energy and all the other issues that coming with aging and aging parents. I also feel very defeated sometimes. That is the term that struck me - defeated. I think we just have to keep plugging along and overlook some of the weeds. I am always inspired by how much you accomplish!